Hopes and Fears

   Last Thursday night I was invited to make a list of my hopes and fears pertaining to my EFM class. After seeing our fears all typed up in front of me, it became clear which of my personal fears might have been silly or unnoteworthy. The one that was still important enough to keep seemed like it had a simple answer to solving the problem and eliminating the fear. So I decided to apply this to my life. I began making mental notes of my hopes and fears over the weekend and this morning I typed them up.

   In order to realize many of my hopes I have to address a few fears. I started with a phone call. I asked a question that I knew would set the tone for the length of the conversation. Not a good tone, I admit, but I was determined to not allow this fear to fester any longer. I don't often like looking for reassurance outside myself, but in this instance, the fear was externally based, so this was the only way. The answer was bad. My fear had been founded. Now what? How do I proceed knowing the worst is true?

  The answer is: Face it. Take that fear and handle it. Where do we go from here? How can we recover? What is our hope for this situation and how do we get there? My knee-jerk reaction would be to hide from it. Ignore it and hope it dissipates all on it's own. Or I might bulldoze it and start over with new ground. I know that doesn't actually solve the problem. I know it must be addressed. Instead of bulldozing this issue, or pretending it doesn't exist, I am taking it out of someone else's hands and creating a solution on my own. I'm not saying that the person handling it isn't capable; I'm saying they didn't see a problem when I perceived it to be broken, and it was in fact, fractured. Maybe not as broken as I had feared, but still splintered enough that without proper love and time it would surely break within the week.

 So I'm throwing on my Super cape and hunkering down until I have fixed this one issue and faced this one fear- maybe not head on, but definitely hand in hand.

  I will address one fear at a time until I have whittled down my list to nothing and all I have left are hopes. As I address each fear I am causing the hopes to actualize. Realizing my hopes and dreams can only be a good thing.

I have learned from my friend's daughter Alice to go for it. Alice was afraid of the water at the beginning of the Summer, but by Summer's end was jumping in with abandon, full of love for swimming. I want to be more like Alice, and so I started today.